Gettin' Naughty - Virtual Love

Most everyone has Internet access and an email address, if not at home then at least through an employer. Many spend a great deal of time online for work, entertainment and even to connect with friends and family. Then there’s the group of us for whom the web is our world. Heck, my laptop is like an extra appendage permanently attached to my body.

We spend a lot of time online, practically live our lives on the net, so what about finding love online? Internet dating?

The bar scene has never been a great place to connect with someone, but where else is there to look? Fishing from the company dock can make the work place a very uncomfortable environment if things don’t go well. You can only hang out at the local coffee shop for so long before getting caffeine jitters. Where do you go to meet people with similar interests?

The Internet? You don’t have to leave home or step outside your comfort zone. You can get to know someone through email, live chats, even have a virtual date if you have a webcam. If something goes wrong all you have to do is sever an electronic connection. Seems…easy, safe, convenient. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you’re either considering or currently participating in an online hookup.

Virtual online dating is vastly different from real time dating. The online environment is restrictive. A great deal of a message can be lost without being able to observe non-verbal language—expression, gestures and other physical cues, along with tone of voice and inflection. Careless wording can cause hurt or offense. Unless you have a webcam and microphone, you must rely on written communications alone, which is problematic. Sarcasm must be spelled out clearly. Unless someone is exceptionally skilled in non-verbal communications there are liable to be misunderstandings and you’re not going to get a true impression of what someone is really like.

The Internet also comes with it own lingo and rules. Emoticons such as :-) and are used to express emotion and common phrases are abbreviated. There are hundreds of shorthand message you must decode. The rules and protocols are different too, such as typing in all caps is yelling. Learn the rules of the road before trying to hookup.

A few examples:

CSL – Can’t Stop Laughing
FWB – Friends With Benefits
MIRL – Meet In Real Life
SNAG – Sensitive New Age Guy
SWM – Single White Male

Links to decoding text abbreviations:

Netlingo
Techdictionary
Webopedia

Finding someone who is available and interested in more than casual cybersex can be challenging. Cybersex hounds are attracted to the anonymity of the Internet, where you can act rudely without serious repercussions. And how do you determine if you are falling for an online fantasy persona or a real person? While you may feel a bond with someone online you may feel very different when interacting fact to face.

Another complication is that online dating is often used as an escape from reality into fantasy. Online, we are who we say we are and who we want to be. We may not be honest about our appearance or other important factors to be more attractive. The temptation to misrepresent ourselves is huge. Be careful of players. Not everyone is honest and decent. Pay attention to inconsistencies.

There is also a tendency for rapid advancement from attraction to intimacy, while skipping essential dating stages along the way. You don’t discover the little endearing or annoying personality traits. This means you may develop a serious emotional attachment to a person you can’t stand to be around in real life. You should consider online relationships to be incomplete until meeting offline. Human interactions are based on real world situations and reactions. It’s impossible to experience the entirety of another individual through a virtual connection. The potential for extreme disappointment and heartbreak are great.

Don’t give up all hope. Successful relationships can begin as online romances. I know several couples in committed, happy relationships that began in cyberspace. Once the potential for a relationship is established online it’s time see if your connection can survive the real world. This poses another complication—safety.

There are certain precautions you must observe when meeting face to face. First and for most, be safe and cautions. You may feel like you know and can trust this person, wrong! You don’t really know them and could be risking you life by going in with blinders on. Plan ahead! This goes for the guys too. You may be a prime alpha capable of taking care of yourself, but remember the movie Fatal Attraction.

Important safety rules for online dating and real time meetings:

Do not divulge your address, place of work, phone number or social security number or other identifying information

Trust your gut instincts. If you feel uncomfortable don’t go

Meet on neutral ground in a public place with other people around (Do not go to their home or hotel room) and do get in their car to go somewhere else

Do not drink alcohol. Your judgment needs to be unimpaired

Make sure someone has the details of where you are going and when to expect your return

Do not leave your purse at the table if you step away (Your drivers license provides too much personal information)

Consider bringing a friend along. They don’t have to be within hearing distance, but should be within sight

Set up a lifeline (Make arrangements with a trusted friend for check-in phone calls at pre-arranged times, such as once an hour. This person should know the location of the meeting)

Establish a private code phrases to let verify things are going well or that something has gone wrong and they should call the police

Your last safe call should be for after you’ve made it home okay

If he/she objects to any of these precautions, Do Not trust this person

Meeting someone online can be a wonderful experience or lead to misery. With instant access to a vast and diverse population there’s a chance you could find the love of your life if you practice common sense, patience, proceed with caution, and follow safety rules.