Those darn resolutions...

Why do we make New Year's Resolutions anyway? Why not Arbor day resolutions? Cinqo De Mayo resolutions? I figure it's to make our hangovers feel even worse when we break them in the first few hours of New Year's Day.

So this year, I'm going to survive THIS particular Monday by being VERY careful about my personal new year's resolutions. Here they are.

1) I resolve not to give in to George Clooney. Sorry, George. You're a wonderful guy but it wouldn't work between us. Sigh.

2) I resolve to not buy a new shampoo until I've finished the old one. That way I won't feature in a headline screaming "New England writer killed by landslide from her own bathroom cabinet. Husband presses wrongful death lawsuit against Revlon".

3) I will not read/watch/glance at anything involving anyone with the last name of Spears.

4) I will let my eyebrows fill in. (I was told to do this, since I apparently overpluck. Who knew?)

5) Once a week I will turn on the radio and listen to something by an artist I haven't heard of. I will do so with a bottle of aspirin and earplugs if necessary, but at least if I'm asked what I think of "Nuts and Bolts in a Tin Can"'s latest release, I will know the group.

6) I will water my plants before they droop and gag harshly.

7) I will never forget to get my coffee ready last thing at night. (Mornings tend to be ugly when this happens.)

8) I will remember that eBay is a financial black hole that swallows money. I do NOT need more than one Timmy Woods purse.

9) I will attempt to learn how to use my new iPod, thus losing my i-virginity. If this fails, I will at least design my own skin for it so it looks like I know how to use it.

10) I will try to tell important people in my life how much they matter. I shall ignore my kid's groan, my husband's casual grin and my friends' rolling eyes. Don't care. You matter? You're gonna hear it.

Hey...you...yes, you reading this... You MATTER!!! A lot! And I wish you a wonderful New Year with buckets of love and happiness!

So there we are. I've already kept one resolution...what are yours?
(Oh...er...I did sort of flunk one of 'em though. George? Call me, honey - maybe we can work something out...)

How to live through the next twenty four hours..

Welcome, Monday people, or as we’re more commonly known - the walking dead! Yeah, that’s not all of us, I know, but some of us have a real issue with opening at least one eye during this godawful introduction to the work week.

So the alarm’s gone off, you’ve dragged your tired butt into the shower and you’re staring at your coffeepot wondering if it’ll part with one more cup to fuel your sputtering body. Was it worth it, you wonder? Did you just have the best weekend of your entire life? Well, here’s a few ways to tell…

You woke up next to George Clooney or Brad Pitt. If you woke up between ‘em - dayum, woman…you shouldn’t be wasting time reading blogs!!!

You found a rose on your pillow. Awwww. What a guy!

You’re walking bowlegged and don’t care. Again, we say awwww, what a guy!

Most of the sheets are still on the bed, but the pillows are on the floor. And there’s a new set of handcuffs dangling from your headboard. Oh yeah. You had a real good weekend, baby.

There aren’t any tighty whities in a heap on the floor. They’re in the laundry basket. (Please post this dude’s cell phone number on MySpace. He’s an endangered species.)

And the sign you had the best weekend ever? You have both eyes open and you’ve got makeup in the right places. It’s Monday and a good hair day. And you’re singing “You shook me all night long” as you leave for work! You Hussy, you!

But in case you’re not quite at your best and you’re thinking that extra cup of coffee might just tip the scales in your favor…remember there can be side effects! LOL


For the Hussies, I’m Sahara Kelly. Happy Monday!!
When we’re good, we’re good.
When we’re bad, we’re better!