Gettin' Naughty - Friends With Benefits

What are friends with benefits? A friend with benefits is someone with whom you have no-strings-attached sex. There are no expensive dinners, romantic dates, hearts and flowers or commitments. It’s a friend you can call when you are horny and want to hook up. I’m not talking one night stand or casual sex with a stranger. This is a friend who you share sex with on a regular basis.

Sexual friendships can be satisfying and have the added bonus of easy-going affection, free of the stresses and drama which can be a big part of romantic relationships. There are times in your life when all you want is occasional companionship and sex without obligations and entanglements.

All of the fun with none of the dating hassles. Sounds great, right?

Having a friend with benefits or fuck buddy has become more common in recent years, especially among young adults. Let’s face it, women are more independent now, and building a career can leave little time for committed relationships. That doesn’t mean the libido magically goes to sleep and you no longer desire sex or the benefits of a physical relationship. Arrangements with a trusted friend can provide a relatively safe and convenient environment for recreational sex.

While a casual, sexual relationship may sound easy and attractive, beware of the inherent pitfall—becoming emotionally attached. Friends with benefits situations are delicate, and it is often more difficult for women to keep their feelings out of the intimate equation. Being turned down by a fuck buddy because he has an actual date is bound to make you feel jealous and suffer the painful sting of rejection. As two friends grow and mature, the needs of each are going to change. It’s inevitable that eventually someone is going to seek a romantic relationship, either with the friend or with someone else.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes this relationship alternative works out to be both mutually satisfying and enduring. Go into the arrangement with your eyes open and don’t let your pal obscure the view of Mr. Right should he happen to come along. Take the time to talk through the expectations of both parties, and set down some mutually agreeable ground rules. Let’s face it, unless both of you are getting what you want out of it the relationship isn’t going to work. There are many things to consider beforehand.

Finding a friend with benefits can be a challenge. Not only must your friend be open and sexual, but must be in a particular stage of their life to be up for a casual involvement. If you have a friend who may be suitable and ready for such an arrangement, test the waters. Start a conversation to discover the candidate’s attitude toward sex, relationships and being single. In a comfortable friendship it should be easy to determine if someone is open about sex, misses having it regularly, wants to get some, and if they are looking for commitment. Share your own mind-set and make sure they know where you stand. Chances are that, if you’re close friends, you already know each others feelings on such topics.

If there is mutual physical attraction, needs and desire for a non-committed sexual relationship, let it happen on its own. You can’t force this. Either it will happen or it won’t. Becoming friends with benefits is not something you can scam or sweet-talk someone into. Take time to make sure you’re both on the same page.

Just because you both agree to casual sex doesn’t mean you can forget all the rules of sexual and social etiquette. There must be respect and equality. You also have to impress each other like in any relationship, just in different ways, such as with sexual skill.

When adding sex to a friendship there is going to be complications. Should one of you become attached and develop romantic feelings beyond general affection and attraction, someone is liable to get hurt. Also, once you’ve crossed the boundaries into sex, running into each other in public situations may become uncomfortable. And there is a thin gray line between what constitutes going out as friends and going out as a couple. You should still be able to hang out or go to the movies like before without it turning into a date.

You must also consider how your friends will react. Will they accept the relationship without pressure? Will you even tell them about it? How will you act in public? Are there mutual friends who will have a problem with the arrangement because they have an interest in the other person?

Keeping both of you safe is another big issue. If you are both free to sleep with other people during the course of your agreement then make sure to protect yourselves from STDs and pregnancy. Stay away from sleeping with any of his other friends. While your buddy knows you’re sleeping with other people, he probably doesn’t want to hear about it at the gym.

Essentials for success
· Be clear about what you want
· Carefully consider pitfalls and your expectations
· Choose wisely. Friends with girlfriends are off limits
· Talk openly and frankly with your friend
· Establish rules and boundaries
· Make sure you both agree to the rules and boundaries
· Stick to the rules and boundaries
· Talk about it if emotions become involved
· End it if it’s no longer what you want or if it changes

There are more advantages than just having sex. You’re spending time with someone whose company you enjoy and who you know is not a total jerk. Awkwardness should be at a minimum because you are already comfortable with each other and have an established friendship.

If you are both unattached, consenting adults who don’t desire a traditional romantic relationship, have set ground rules which you stick to, and keep yourselves safe, then why not have some fun while it lasts? What do you think? Can love and romance be kept separate from sex? Is there the possibility of such a friendship working or is it a train wreck waiting to happen?

She Said, He Said

Today we debut a new weekly feature, the She Said, He Said advice column, where the Hussies and our Official Hunk, the oh-so-gorgeous, body-to-die-for and man with a brain that turns us on, the one and only Scott Fleissner.

You've seen him in one of our most popular posters (yes, the one you all have lusted about for months),

and now that Scott has been named the Official Hunk for The Hussies, you're going to be seeing a lot more of him, and get to learn all about him.

She Said, He Said Question from "Not getting any" in NM:

"I am totally into oral sex, but my boyfriend is not. Well, he's into having it done on him, but when it's his turn he makes excuses and even when he does it, he does it really bad. What can I do to make it more appealing for him and teach him how to do it?"

Ciana: He likes it having done on him??? Well, duh! Of course he's into being on the receiving end! And if he's making excuses NOT to indulge, maybe there's a simple reason and I have one sure fire way to test it out. It's called douche. Let's face it, clean is appealing. As to his technique, have you ever bothered to tell him what feels good? Sure it's not rocket science, but every woman has her hot buttons and if you don't tell him what yours are, how's he supposed to know? Let that inner Hussy out, honey. She's not shy about telling her man what feels good.

Scott: The first thing is to talk to him about it. Not in an argumentative or embarrassinge way, just let him know how you feel about the situation, and ask him why he does not like to go down on you. You both should be open and able to talk about what's wrong and find ways to solve the problem. Honestly he might not like to do it, because the aroma down there, on some women, is rather strong. Some men find it a turn off.

Another issue might be control. When he goes down on you, you are calling the shots, some men find this intimidating. When it comes to sex men like to think they know it all and are masters at it. Most times the apposite is true. He might be bad at giving you oral sex because he doesn't enjoy it, most people are better at things they enjoy.

Besides, we don't have one of our own, so sometimes we are completely clueless as to what makes you feel good. Should we rub soft or hard, play with the clit or insert something, spread the lips or not. I am not being chauvinistic, but everyone knows its too easy to bring a guy to orgasm. Women require more attention, skill, and ingenuity to achieve the same result and everyone woman is different. Some coaching is generally very helpful.

I have no trouble telling a woman how I like it, when her mouth is full. I find most women appreciate the tips.

Well, hussies, didn't I tell you. Gorgeous and smart. Are you in lust ... ahem, I mean Love, yet? Stay tuned for next's weeks column when Scott and Sally answer an imporant question for "Single and Scared in NY" about dating and getting naked.


If you'd like to ask a question of the Hunk and the Hussies, email us at AskUs@thehussies.us. If you'd like to email Scott, you can reach him via Scott@thehussies.us.


This is Ciana saying have a great weekend, thanks for visiting, and remember to let your inner Hussy out to play!

Putting the O in Blow

I found the following article :

"New trend in bachelorette parties includes 'oral pleasure' education" by TERRI THEODORE in The Canadian Press, quite interesting

July 22, 2007

There's an emerging trend in bachelorette parties that is far from a tea-and-crumpets celebration.

In fact, the only hot tea involved is as a training prop in an educational session in Vera Zyla's oral pleasure seminar.

More and more women are booking private, pre-wedding seminars through Zyla's Vancouver store, The Art of Loving, to learn the how-tos of oral sex, having a good orgasm and stripping for your lover.

She has hosted dozens of parties for women ranging from virgins to the more experienced.

The course on oral sex techniques seems to be one of the most popular.

"I believe it's because there are a number of challenges that are presented," she said.

"I ask these women in class...'Why do you think women find it so challenging,' and they start sharing."

Zyla said the women are simply looking for strategies to be better at it and to add it to their repertoire, hoping to use it to prolong a marriage.

"If you have meat and potatoes for dinner every night, you're going to get bored of that. If you make sex the same way day in, day out it's going to get predictable. You need to mix it up."

Zyla said at first, some women are nervous about attending, but a few quips from the crowd can make the night hilarious.

"They tend to turn it into a little wine and cheese thing...everybody gets loosened up. It's a really fun evening."

Anna Von Frances, 28, took a similar oral sex education seminar in Toronto and thinks more women should do the same.

"It's fun to get together with your girlfriends and laugh about a taboo subject, then find out it's not all that taboo."

She said the course helped her get familiar with the male anatomy.

"I don't think that women really get any proper education about that kind of stuff," she said. "You don't ask your mom about how to give a great blow job."

Von Frances admitted she was nervous about sitting in a room with a bunch of her girlfriends learning to put a condom-clad banana in her mouth.

But she said it was nothing like that.

"(The instructor) did a lot of hand-outs about where everything's located on a man's member, how sensitive it really is."

"It was a lot of myth busting."

Zyla demonstrates to her classes with a prop and notes accessories women can buy or make at home.

"For example they could make a hot drink and put it in a thermos...then leave the hot liquid in your mouth, so your mouth is really toasty warm."

Zyla said a bridesmaid recently organized a oral sex seminar for a virgin bride.

"She said 'Eww I'm not doing that,' and all her friends said 'Oh yes you are," she laughed.

Von Frances says the course left her "super empowered" and improved her sex life "100 per cent."

"I'm sure if you interviewed my boyfriend he would say he's glad I did it."

She believes women like the courses because it opens communication with their lover.

Zyla said women outnumber men 10 to one at the 20 or so sex education seminars she holds at her store.

"I think women are somewhat more open to better their skills, they talk openly more about it," she said. "There's a desire to want to please their lover and offer something delicious."

Copyright © 2007 The Canadian Press, All Rights Reserved.