How do you leave an immortal?

I'm not so sure there are 50 ways to live a vampire or a werewolf. How do you shake off a ghost short of becoming one? It could take eternity. Hmm.

To leave a vampire would probably not be a pleasant process. And then there are gargoyles and shapeshifters.

Typically these beings mate, for well, forever, so you better be darn sure before you say I do to the sexy vamp. I just don't think they'd be too keen on letting you go, Jo, but just in case you can pull it off and actually leave that paranormal lover, here are my best shots on how to do it.

1. Give him a bite in the neck, Beck


2. Show him the moon, June


3. Give him a scream, Maureen


4. Just a little cross in the face, Grace


5. Dash of holy water in the eye, Kia


6. Squeeze garlic in his goatee, Dee


7. Feed him a doggie biscuit made of wolfbane, Jane


8. Turn him to stone, Joan


9. Shapeshift out the door, Cora


10. Give him a ghost of a chance, Nance


11. Haunt him with a night of fright, Brite


12. Give him a sunlight hit, Kit


13. Switch the stock of blood, Ms Judd


14. Stake him in the heart, Mart


15. Buy him a cross for his birthday, Kay


16. Hold a séance for guidance, Candace


17. Conduct a reading of tarot, Jo


18. Find him a werewolf mate, Fate


19. Put him under a spell, Nell


20. Clip his wings, Jean


21. Saw off his horn, Lauren


22. Send him back to hell, Bel
    
23. Exorcise him, Kim


24. Hide his coffin for a thrill, Jill
    

Um....

So I have the same problem - twenty five years this June with the same dude. And we're both still alive. Pretty impressive, I guess, even though I went through my share of frogs before I found my Prince.

However, that hasn't stopped me from getting inventive for this week's theme...

(Ahem)...

Give him a pain, Jane
Make a big scene, Jean
Knock him to the mat, Nat
Kiss another girl, Pearl
Blacken his eye, Ci
Push him out the gate, Kate
Shave both his legs, Meg
Lock him in the can, Ann
Abscond with his cash, Ash
Shove him in a pit, Kit
Fill his trousers with fleas, Reese
Hire a lawyer to sue, Rue
Run away with a cook, Brooke
Curl your lip and then hiss, Bliss
Laugh like hell at his bone, Joan
Kick him up the ass, Cass

...and set yourself free!!!

Keep goin' Hussies...I know I've missed some!!! And what better way to survive a Monday than playing along?

Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover

Well, color me not having a clue. Heck, I've been with the same man since before Disco.(Yes, I was merely a child) But since we Hussies agreed we'd try to go with a "theme of the week" and this is the first ... well, here goes.

I'd say that the best way to leave your lover is ... to walk out of the door, or if you want to keep the space, throw him out of the door. There, that was easy :)

But if it's a matter of transportation then I suggest a car, a bike, a plane or train.

If it's psychological motivation to get him on the move, then my best strategy would be: make him lie in the sun, run in the rain, eat bad cooking and suffer much pain.

No? Well, like I said, what the heck do I know, so maybe I'll fall back on the words of Paul Simon in his song titled 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.



I have to say that this would have been more accurately titled FIVE ways to leave your lover, because Mr. Simon only provided us with:

Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

So, I decided to come up with a few more:

Push him out a tree, Bree
Chop off his organ, Morgan
Fake your own death, Beth
Drop an bowling ball on his dick, Chick
Cement him in a well, Mel
Bump him off a ridge, Midge
Set fire to his hair, Blair
Drown him off your yacht, Dot
Stab him with a stick, Nic
Feed him x-lax tea, Dee

And get yourself free

I invite you to add to the list. Who knows, maybe we CAN come up with 50 ways to leave your lover.

This is Ciana for the Hussies. Happy Sunday!