Sunday, March 09, 2008

Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover

Well, color me not having a clue. Heck, I've been with the same man since before Disco.(Yes, I was merely a child) But since we Hussies agreed we'd try to go with a "theme of the week" and this is the first ... well, here goes.

I'd say that the best way to leave your lover is ... to walk out of the door, or if you want to keep the space, throw him out of the door. There, that was easy :)

But if it's a matter of transportation then I suggest a car, a bike, a plane or train.

If it's psychological motivation to get him on the move, then my best strategy would be: make him lie in the sun, run in the rain, eat bad cooking and suffer much pain.

No? Well, like I said, what the heck do I know, so maybe I'll fall back on the words of Paul Simon in his song titled 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.

I have to say that this would have been more accurately titled FIVE ways to leave your lover, because Mr. Simon only provided us with:

Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

So, I decided to come up with a few more:

Push him out a tree, Bree
Chop off his organ, Morgan
Fake your own death, Beth
Drop an bowling ball on his dick, Chick
Cement him in a well, Mel
Bump him off a ridge, Midge
Set fire to his hair, Blair
Drown him off your yacht, Dot
Stab him with a stick, Nic
Feed him x-lax tea, Dee

And get yourself free

I invite you to add to the list. Who knows, maybe we CAN come up with 50 ways to leave your lover.

This is Ciana for the Hussies. Happy Sunday!


mamasand2 said...

wow, what a hard challenge.I can give you a few lines but not a verse.

Make the man run, hun
slap hin in the face, grace
hear his last wail, gail
make him feel gay, may

Ciana Stone said...

LMAO - I love it!

Deb said...

Have him jump off a bridge,Midge.
Spray him with mace, Grace.
Leave with his friend, Jen

That is what I got;)

Ciana Stone said...

Good ones, Deb. Leave with his friend, Jen - LOL!!

NathalieGray said...

Oh man, what a riot. Set fire to his hair?! :))

I can't wait for Saturday when it's my turn to tackle that theme. I'll bring vodka.

mamasand2 said...

Can't resist these things, so a few more for you.

Send him a poison pen, Jen
Bash him in the head, Red
Throw him in the dirt, Gert
Show him the sad truth, Ruth


Ciana Stone said...

throw him in the dirt, Girt :)

LMAO I get such a kick out of this!!

mamasand2 said...

I can't resist one or two last ones.

Boot him in the rear, Dear

Punch him in the nose, Rose

Rachel.C said...

No idea! Spending over 20 years with the same guy doesn't give me much experience but I stuck my head together with the 14, 17 and 18 year old daughters and we only came up with two.

Kick him in the shin, Kim.
Bury him in the lawn, Dawn.

The last one came from the 14 year old, should I be worried????

Robin Snodgrass said...

Shove him from the car, Shar

Push him off a cliff, Tiff

Give him lots of pills, Jill

And how about one from the other side of the fence:

Throw her to the curb, Herb.

danetteb said...

Tell him you've been faking the big "O" and your moving in with his coworker Jane

Hugs, Danette