Thursday, March 27, 2008

Gettin' Naughty - Limits

“Not In this Lifetime!”
“Not only no, but hell no!”
“Whoa! Stop right there!”
“Unh-uh! No way!”
“Don’t even think about it!”

Sound familiar? We all have limits, lines we are not willing to cross, involving a variety of activities. When it comes to sex, it’s important that our partners know what those limits are before taking things to the bedroom. This is important in all relationships, but especially so if you're in a D/s relationships.

While it’s good to have limits and know what yours are, we should also never say never. IMHO, most things should be experienced before being crossed off your list, unless the activity is something that totally turns you off, is offensive, or you find it to be morally wrong.

Thinking about it is good, but how do you go about setting limits? I went searching the BDSM sites for some advice and here’s what I found. Sometimes you have to experiment to figure out what your limits truly are.

“Hard limits” are those activities you will not participate in under any circumstances, for whatever reason. These are non-negotiable and your partner should not nag or otherwise try to coerce you into them.

“Soft limits” are areas where there’s a bit of wiggle room. It may not be something you truly enjoy, but you don’t hate the activity either. This is an area where you make compromises with your partner and occasionally share in an activity for they enjoy. These are also things you’d consider exploring with your partner at the right time and when in the right frame of mind. Your list of soft limits should include activities you haven’t tried but have an interest or curiosity to investigate.

Just as we change over time, our tastes and limits change, so this is a subject you should revisit every once in a while. Take a long, hard look at your limits and decide if those things still matter or if there are new ones that should be added to your list.

Since we’re not sleeping together, I’ll spare you my list of sexual limits. Here are a few of my personal limits. I am not an adrenaline junkie. I’m more into the finer luxuries in life and don’t like “roughing it.”

No jumping out of perfectly good planes
No bouncing on bungee cords
No swimming in the ocean (sharks, sting rays, etc.)
No mountain climbing (hanging from a rope)
No reptiles as pets
No eating anything the words, “It tastes just like chicken,” can be said about
No camping (staying anywhere without room service or internet access)

Have you thought about your limits? If not, isn't it time you did?


Selena Illyria said...

Great topic. I do have a list of no ways and not in this lifetimes. *smile*. It really is important to think of those things especially when it comes to relationships.

N.J.Walters said...

Great topic, as always. I'm with you on the no jumping out of perfectly good planes. LOL I'm not an adrenaline junkie in the least. I'd rather have a day at the beach. :-)

NathalieGray said...

Does that mean you've never had escargots in garlic butter? It tastes like chicken, I swear! :))

Seriously, they don't. They taste like what they are: slimey things that eat dirt.

I used to be an adrenaline junkie until my brain surgery. Now I have to watch people do the bungee jumping and other fun things. *le big sigh*

But I can still do wicked handstands!! :)

Deb said...

Nic, where do you come up with these topics, there are great. Nope no adrenaline junkie here.
I just can not see myself bungee jumping.

Ciana Stone said...

ROFLMAO!! The last time someone told me "it tastes just like chicken," I asked why KFC didn't offer it batter fried.

And bungee jumping HAS to be for people who love having their stomach contents in their ears. Ugh!

Great post Nic. And I like the Hard and Soft limits. But now that I think about it I tend to have a lot of Hard and very little soft. I wonder if that's a good thing?

Nicole Austin said... snails, Nat. I don't do slimey foods. Gross!

Yes, exactly, Ci! I have no desire to regurgitate my lunch into my ears. Not my idea of fun.

From what I read, more hard limits means you need to do some experimenting.

Sally Painter said...

I believe in trying MOST things once, not all things although I admit I've tried fried turtle. Once was enough. I've had alligator on a skewer. Once. Both times were enough. (g)

I do try to push myself out of my safe zones a lot, not just in the food arena.

Unless I'm willing to stretch out beyond my comfy zones, I cannot grow outward only inward and I hate ingrown toenails, so an ingrown soul would probably hurt like hell. (vbg)

Great post, Nic!

TK Winters said...

Wonderful topic! I am definitely not an adrenaline junkie. I do believe in pushing my own personal limits, but not to the extent that I jump out of planes, jump off bridges, etc. I'll try a bite of something I've never had before simply because it is pushing my own limits ... although chocolate covered ants has never appealed to me and I don't think I'd try them. lol I've had snails and once was quite enough.