Thursday, December 13, 2007

Gettin' Naughty - Cybersex

Cybersex or cybering is virtual sex between two or more people via computers online. The participants’ send sexually explicit messages in instant messages or chat rooms, describing their actions and responding to their chat partners to stimulate sexual feelings and fantasies. It is a form of role-playing dependent on the participants’ abilities to evoke vivid mental images. Cybersex can also be conducted visually with real time video over webcams.

As with anything else, there are good and bad points to cybersex. It can be a physically safe way to relieve sexual tension without the risk of STDs and pregnancy. Cybersex and even bridge physical distance between couples, allowing them to be sexually intimate while apart. Participants can act out fantasies they would not otherwise experience in real life. And it has been used in therapy for those too shy or unsure of reentering the dating scene.

On the negative side, cybersex can be a form of infidelity. Those who debate the morality of cybering are either staunch opponents or steadfast supporters with little to no middle ground. Even though it is not physical cheating, it can result in taking an emotional and intimate connection from a committed relationship and sharing it elsewhere. I’ve read articles that claim survey respondents considered cybersex cheating on the same level with a physical cheating. To many women it’s not the physical sex that matters, but the betrayal of intimacy and spending time with someone else.

There is also the potential for becoming addicted to the activity and the unhealthy use of cybersex to take the place of other real life relationships. And you must also consider who you are cybering with. The person you are sexing up online may not be who they claim. That thirty-something single white male may actually be an underage or female, and more than likely any physical description provided is not accurate. Consider descriptions to be that person's fantasy apperance.

A wide variety of virtual domains exist where you can partake in role-playing games. Some of these include the possibility of engaging in cybersex with other players. There are even virtual worlds devoted entirely to cybersex where players can design an avatar with a very human-like appearance then interact with others in various scenes such as clubs or private sex rooms.

Should you decide to participate, in order to get good cyber, you need to also give good cyber. Here are some tips:

* Remember to include all the senses. Provide explicit imagery of smells, tastes, touches, sounds and sights.
* Set the mood and the scene. Think romantic and sexy.
* Pay attention to your partner’s cues and extend the story based on those factors.
* Ask about specific fantasies your partner enjoys but would not engage in real life.
* Get dirty. Many people respond to dirty talk and particular words.
* Make sure you have the time and will not be interrupted at the penultimate moment.
* Build up. Take your time and move forward with a gradual progression from flirting to cybering.
* Don’t get hung up on typos or self-conscious about your writing.
* Remember what turned you on in the latest erotic romance you read and recreate the mood.
* Relax and enjoy.

Be smart about your online interactions. You already know from last week’s discussion, Virtual Love, not to give out personal information such as your address, phone number, etc. Beware of the potential for addiction and emotional trauma. Writing and sex are powerful and among the most intimate connections we can create. You may become emotionally caught up in a play partner, resulting in work, family and friends being neglected. Don’t let playtime take over to the exclusion of everything else.

Here are a few videos to drive home the point that you never know exactly who you’re talking to online.

IMHO, if everyone is having fun and playtime is not taking away from real life or relationships, then have fun.


N.J.Walters said...

This is a very interesting topic that is fraught with emotion. Is it cheating? Is it not? Is it safe? Everyone has a different opinion.

It can be great fun for couples who have to be apart for any reason, much like phone sex.

As always, you have to be very cautious. You never know who is on the other end. It's all too easy to let virtual relationships take the place of real ones, as it can be addictive to some people.

Ciana Stone said...

Great post, Nic! And it brings up some interesting points that everyone should consider before deciding to participate in cybersex.

And OMG I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at the videos. EEeeeeuuuuuwwwwwwww!! That was rich :)

Once again, you've provided us with great food for thought.

Sally Painter said...

Thought-provoking, Nic! I believe you touched on the real issue for women it's cheating becuase of the betrayal of intimacy.

There have been many people who have cheated and never had sex by forming intimate relationships where the sexual partner is excluded.

That kind of outside intimacy diminishes the person and the relationship.

The vids were so cute!

Julianne said...

Very interesting Nic and most likely that person is not who you think they are. The videos were a riot!!!! I'm still ROTLFMAO!

Nicole Austin said...

Thanks, y'all. I love the videos. They are too funny.

Yes, you have to be very careful of who you are talking to and of not hurting loved ones!

TK Winters said...

Great topic with good information. I guess I'd be one of the women who think cybersex when you are in a committed relationship is cheating--unless you are apart and having cybersex with your partner.