Releasing The Scared Little Hussy Inside

Nic hit upon something that is so vital to releasing your inner hussy and that is getting in touch with your ‘true’ self.

For me, that meant delving into the scariest aspects of my life which revolved around the things that haunted me since I was first cognizant – the paranormal. Growing up in an idyllic family, I always felt loved and nurtured, so there was no reason for me to make-up anything like monsters or ghosts. I had no desire to see the things I saw, nor did I enjoy being terrified by creatures and beings who emerged from shadows and moved through walls.

The term that made me cringe was ‘over-active imagination’. That was how my parents explained what was happening to me even though at 3 years of age I knew the entities I was seeing were not my imagination. They were not vivid dreams. They were real.

And so I became very embarrassed whenever I would wake up my mother and father to tell them I couldn’t sleep. I quit saying some creature had waked me and wanting me to help them find something or get somewhere. It had been decreed, it was my imagination so what was the point of trying to explain.

Wakking my mom or dad was something I dreaded doing with all my being, almost as much as returning to my room and the creatures waiting for me there. My siblings and cousins didn’t understand and made fun of me. So I learned early on not to talk about what was happening to me and by the time I was an adult, I guarded that aspect of my life with great secrecy.

I had no one to talk with about it. The majority of people in the world don’t have the kind of experiences I do and so why should I expect them to possibly understand what I was seeing?

So, I didn’t tell anyone about the monsters I saw or the premonitions I had or the empathic feelings or how sometimes I knew what people would say before they said it. It freaked me out, so why wouldn’t it freak everyone else out?

My solution - to desperately try to block and deny who I was. It was an inner battle that I eventually lost when I turned twenty-one. It wasn't a singular thing that forced me to face myself and my abilities. I was tired of trying to run away from it.

This was when I finally accepted my abilities and reconciled them with how I wanted my life to be with how it was. Educating myself was the first step. I studied for ten years; reading every book ever published at the time about paranormal, ghosts, psychic abilities, philosophies, religions, etc. This was when I began to realize I was not alone after all.

A new strength emerged within me and the validation I never received from loving, well-meaning parents who simply didn’t understand what was happening to me came at last - from myself. As I matured and learned, I discovered I didn’t need anyone to believe me. My experiences were real and I had discovered many truths over the years. I didn't care if no one believed me. I had nothing I needed to prove. I was content. The truth was the truth. Simple.

In the eighties, a Renaissance of sorts emerged and suddenly people were opening their paranormal closet doors and talking about the same kind of things I'd always experienced.

Because of my abilities, I was invited to participate in a 3-year paranormal research project and at last connected with other people who shared similar stories. And, while my seer abilities were not something I expected most people to understand or even relate to, I knew there had to many others like myself who were still locked away in their paranormal closets.

So, I decided to reach out to them and in the process liberated myself in a final public coming out of sorts. I founded a monthly paranormal workshop and discussion group and eventually hosted an online paranormal talk show. And I was rewarded by meeting hundreds of people who all had similar stories to tell. They, too, had been ridiculed by people who could not relate to what it meant to be clairvoyant, psychic, intuitive, whatever label was placed upon their abilities.

Stepping out of the security of my paranormal closet and telling others about my experiences was not easy, but it was the last remaining part of the stigma that needed to be purged from my psyche. And, it worked. Three years later, I handed over the reins to my friend Melissa Alvarez who later bequeathed the workshops and discussion groups to two other members.

The workshop and discussion list were outward signs of the progress I had made and those who joined had made. I still have the emails from people who were grateful and relieved to have a safe haven for the first time in their lives where they could discuss their experiences without fear of ridicule.

And the common thread running through most of those stories is something I’d read years ago- The seer’s path is supposed to be made as a lone practitioner in order to truly be of value.

Based on my experiences, I understand the necessity of going it alone. It was so important to find the way on my own so I could claim whatever I discovered as purely belonging to me and not being confused as something inherited from a mentor. And while I would have loved having a teacher to make my path less painful, I can now say I’m grateful for the solitary path. It forced me to explore deeper for those answers and realize the only one who could validate me was there all along - me.

So my inner hussy was released in stages and not the way most people might expect. For me, it was a perfect unfolding, custom-designed to fit me. I discovered my true essence of who I am just as we all must do - by myself. It’s very difficult to do the work necessary to release your inner hussy and embrace all she is, but the rewards are never-ending!

Several years ago when an astrologer told me, “underneath your business suit beats the heart of a hussy,” I was like, yeah, baby. You found me, too!