Thursday, May 01, 2008

Gettin' Naughty - The "IT" Factor

Let’s face it, we would like our man to have it all—looks, smarts and an irresistible personality. In reality, looks fade and anyone can become smarter with a bit of effort. IMHO, the “it” factor is personality. It is that certain undeniable and difficult to pin down quality that makes someone charismatic and attractive.

It has many facets. A man with a quick wit who can make us laugh is worth his weight in gold! If he has the manners of a southern gentleman we swoon. How often do men hold the door open for a woman or pull out a chair for her anymore? Such manners are now considered old fashioned and not often practiced in our fast-paced society where women are equal. Guess what, guys? We may not need you to treat us as if we’re frail, but we love the consideration along with the boost to our femininity when you make the effort to be a gentleman. Whether we admit it or not, most of us want the romance and tender treatment.

An it man can make conversation with anyone, putting them at ease and immediately drawing them in. From the goth kid at the bus stop to the influential politician at a charity event, he treats everyone with the same genuine interest and respect. He listens, makes you feel your response is important, watches for subtle body language cues, and generally charms your socks off. He could be talking about the most boring subject but he’s memorable, holds our attention and you are inexplicably drawn to him.

We authors try to capture that rather indefinable it factor in our characters. Here’s a little snippet where I described the quality in Aiden from Passionate Realities.

The most enticing draw was that he had the whole package going on. The man was incredibly fun, engaging, energetic, sexy, successful, charismatic, and smart as shit. Okay, some people thought he was arrogant, but she knew that it was just his extreme confidence putting out that vibe. He knew what he wanted and staked his claim with no doubt as to his right of possession.

Then he would mysteriously surprise everyone with a burst of charming little boy shyness or deep emotion, keeping you slightly off balance. Aiden exuded charm, and people just loved to be near him. A real man’s man. Guys wanted to be him, and women just plain wanted him. His seemingly casual disinterest in their obvious desires just made them want him all the more.

That brings us back to a common theme—confidence. A confident man can make us melt quicker than the hottest GQ model. What makes someone truly attractive comes more from the inside than their outer appearance. Let who you are shine through and be confident in that person.

Many qualities can and do make up the it factor. Confidence, honesty, integrity, intelligence, a nice smile, sense of humor, manners, sensitivity, sincerity, drive and ambition, affectionate, considerate and thoughtful, and a sense of adventure, perhaps a dash of wicked bad boy to keep things interesting. Mm...yes. This man wins over a superficial man with good looks hands down!

What do y'all think? Did I miss anything? What do you think makes up the it factor?

So naughty its scandalous!


N.J.Walters said...

I think you hit the nail right on the head, Nic. A quick wit, confidence, manners, the ability to make other people feel important, sensitivity...all these things add up to one fabulous package.

As you said, looks fade over time, but the personality remains. That's what is truly important.

TK Winters said...

Gee, NJ, I was gonna say that! I have to agree, I think you nailed it, sis. I totally agree about looks fading, and if you have an "it" guy, as you call him, his arms are always there holding you close, he's there making you laugh, he's opening your doors and seeing to your comfort, and he's greeting you with kisses every morning and saying good night with more kisses every evening regardless of how he looks.

Deb said...

I totally agree. Looks are not important, what is the ability to be able to capture what I like to call "your inner sinces"
Bob treats the girls as he does me, opening doors, he even pulls out our chairs at the dinner table.
I enjoy that my girls are learning these things. I have to omit Chloe is on the brash side of the world but she feels that it is what everyone should do as we do at home.

Bob said...

Hello ladies,
As I sit here reading along I want to add ,"That in fifty years down the road I will always have that special memory of the way Deb looked coming down the isle on our wedding day, even after she gets older and have a few wrinkiles she will always be my true heart.

In this day and age everything revolves around looks.
But what should matter is how one interacts with people.
If I am at a store shopping I am always willing to help someone in need as well are our girls.
The world needs more of that instead of looks.

Nicole Austin said...

Thanks! Defining "it" is always difficult. I'm glad to hear that I'm on target.

Sally Painter said...

I think you have it. I find a sexy mind always wins over a dull mind and great looks.