Sunday, July 13, 2008

Let's give'em something to talk about

And what has been the topic of more conversation than anything? Why sex, of course We think about it, fantasize about it, dream about it, write about it and talk about it. And when a bunch of women start talking sex ... well watch out... it can be astounding, shocking, romantic or hilarious.

We've decided to include all of you in our "sex talks". Want to find out what Hussies actually talk about when it comes to sex? Well hold onto your knickers. This week's topic is an item that's come into play (pun intended) in almost every one's sex life. The often dreaded, much made fun of ... condom.

Now, I'll say right up front that I'm not a fan of the latex wonders. Yes, they serve a valuable purpose and I'm a big proponent of safe sex. But let's face it, they're not really designed to enhance your sexual experience.


Or so thinks Intellx, a company who recently introduced the SafeSexyShapes line of designer condoms. Designer you say? How so?

Well, these little marvels come in a variety of shapes including a: beer glass, submarine, oak tree, hourglass, and the world's first flat-top condom (without the usual nipple-end). And let's not forget their flagship - the Dolphin. With the graceful curves of a real dolphin - even the teasing, pleasing bottlenose (their hype, not mine) AND a fin.

The first major retailer to sell the Dolphin in the US is CVS drugstores. Intellx praises the chain for "offering the USA this milestone of innovation for safer-sex." The company apparently plans on expanding their line by adding such designs as the 'Home Run' (Baseball Bat), 'Bubbly' (Champagne Flute), 'The Mike' (Microphone), 'Bell Ringer', etc., on a regular basis.

Not to be outdone, Durex, a leading condom company, recently introduced a "radically curved condom, the Pleasure Curve, shaped like a banana. Yes, a banana.

Intellx president was quoted as saying that their new innovative line is "Fun to look at, and even more fun to use, our shaped condoms help uplift the overall image of condoms like never before."

Excuse me for a moment while I LMAO. I'm sorry but the visuals running rampant through my head are too funny:

Rex turns toward the bed, his eyes gleaming in the dancing light of the candles Peaches had artfully placed around the room. Her eyes moved over his broad chest and ripped abdomen, then lower to ..... (insert sound of tires screeching to a sudden halt), the dolphin shaped condom covering his erection?

I'm sorry, it's too freaking funny for me to take seriously. Maybe I'm a freak or something but I just couldn't keep that amorous feeling if I saw one of those things. I mean come on, a dolphin? Nothing "free Willie" about that. Oh, sorry, Willie was a whale. Maybe I should email Intellx and suggest a whale condom ... "the next best thing to setting Willie free."

And what's up with the banana thing? Does it magically bend a penis? (Ouch) Or is this some kind of latex penis puppet that the poor penis hides inside and wonders if anything is actually happening since it can't feel a damn thing?

Personally, if my man comes at me with something resembling a submarine on his penis I'm liable to launch a torpedo from my most excellent WTF battleship and the laughter may have things going "down periscope" if you get my drift.

But hey, that's just me. My sister hussies may have more intelligent and thought provoking ideas. Stay tuned this week to find out. And don't be afraid to send in your comments. On Saturday we'll feature a special post of all the most entertaining comments from readers.

Have a great week!!



Minime said...

I would probably laugh so hard at my hubby that even when he left the room, hours later I would still be in the same position laughing my ass off. But then again, I would have been the one to purchase the dang thing in the first place and I have been known to get sidetracked and start spouting sex cliches (that can be found in all the really cheesy romance novels) off to him. *smile*

Dani said...

I'm not a big fan of condoms, but I will use them because of the safe sex issues. I'd rather be a little uncomfortable than have a STD (this has also been pounded into my head by my mom too).

Now, I don't know if I could keep a straight face if a guy I dated came out with one of those designer condoms on. I think some of the ones that have been mentioned sound funny. What I want to know is what happens when you put a curved condom (like the dolphin for example) on a straight penis? Would it still keep its curved shape or would it straighten out?

I know I probably sound weird asking these questions, but someone's gonna ask them sometime. LOL!

Ciana Stone said...

Glad I'm not the only one laughing, making silly comments or asking these pertinent questions. Wonder if anyone out there knows what DOES happen when you put a curved condom on a straight penis :)

Minime said...

Maybe a Kama Sutra book has a picture or something showing what one would look like?