Saturday, July 26, 2008

Love in an Elevator?

You're in the park. Lots of people enjoying picnics, weekend jogs and company gatherings. There's a nice clump of shrubs. QUICK! Let's have sex.

Sound appealing? It does to a lot of people. The higher the risk of getting caught, the more aroused they are. Which explains sex in elevators, restrooms, the infamous "janitor's closet", back seats of cars and a host of others.

Now, my question is, who is more aroused by risky sex - men or women? And why does the mere thought that you might get caught inspire this rush of "I want it now"? Are we really wanting the Big O or is it only the risk that is the driving force?

Maybe. But here's my problem...


Yes, vanity. If I get caught with my pants or (shudder) clothes off, then someone is going to see parts of me that I work hard to strategically hide. Hey, I'm being honest here. We all have ares of our bodies that we like to display - AND those we prefer to keep hidden. So my biggest dilemma would be how to do it and NOT show anything I don't want shown.

I gave it a lot of thought and came up with a plan (in case the need (pun intended)) ever arises.

Be like a good scout and BE prepared. Prepare a risky sex kit that includes a long dress - hopefully something sensual - but also something that you can hike up from the bottom AND more importantly drop like a rock if in peril of discovery. And don't forget the extra large sunglasses - you know what I mean - those styles that cover half your face. Last, learn at least two sentences in a foreign language that you're highly unlikely to ever run into anyone who speaks it. That way if you get caught you can babble out your two sentences, throw up your hands like you're totally surprised you've broken a rule and then scurry away as fast as possible.

Once prepared you can give in to the urge if it strikes you in the middle of a Renaissance faire or a picnic in the park and there's a clump of trees nearby. Note, this plan is not applicable to the "I'm in an elevator and suddenly I just gotta have it" scenario. For that one, here's the one important thing to remember. HIT THE STOP BUTTON. Sure the alarm will go off, but you can always pull a "I was so scared!" when the doors open and security is standing there waiting.

Or maybe you'll have the Aerosmith attitude:

Jackies in the elevator
Lingerie second floor
She said can I see you later
And love you just a little more

I kinda hope we get stuck
Nobody gets out alive
She said Ill show you how to fax
In the mailroom, honey
And have you home by five

In closing, let me leave you with this thought. Life is NOT a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

This is Ci for the Hussies, wishing you a great day - risky business or not :)


Nicole Austin said...

OMG! That's one of my favorite songs but the viedo is beyond bizarre. Goes under the heading of "What were they thinking?"

I like your plan, Ci. How Perfect. But I'm with you on keeping covered in public. Hell if I want everyone seeing the effects of age, gravity and birthing two kids. They'd run screaming. LOL!

NathalieGray said...

Life is like a jar of jalapenos?!?! I snorted Perrire and it's burns, baby, it burrrrnz.

Incidentally, I'm not one for public or risky sex. I like beds. They're comfortable, clean (ours is anyway) and safe.

I know, I'm boring.