Sunday, February 03, 2008

Communication between the sexes. Are we speaking the same language?

Well of course not! And I don't say that lightly or a sense of irreverence. (Well, maybe just a little). But seriously, it's like apples and oranges. We've all knew it long before we heard about "Women are from Venus and Men from Mars". There's been scores of articles and books written on the topic.

In general most publications seem to agree that women use language as a way of creating feelings of closeness with others. Men don't use communication this way, so they just don't have a clue why women always seem to be talking. And because they don't understand it, most of them eventually just tune their women out.

Men use conversation as a way of negotiating status, as opposed to the female's use of it to negotiate intimacy or closeness. Men don't get the "trouble talk" a lot of women use. For a lot of women, talking about troubles establishes a connection. You tell me your woes and I'll tell you mine. For men, trouble talk equates to "I'm hearing a problem so I have to come up with a solution."

To a man offering advice to a woman engaging in "trouble talk", he thinks he's being supportive. First because men don't generally tell one another their problems, and second because he really is trying to "solve" the problem. It never occurs to the male brain that what the woman is doing is trying to establish a certain mind of intimacy with him.

So, what happens is a rather awkward dance. A woman, wanting intimacy with her man, talks to him about her job, her friends and her family. She wants the man to respond the way her girlfriends would - to talk to her about his concerns and woes. She sashays over and the man ....

Hears what she says and interprets it as a request for advice. So he does a big two-step and tells her how to correct the problem, or does a quick turn and walks away, dismissing it and ending the dance.

Now should the woman continue to talk about this same matters, and make no move at all to take and follow his advice, this sets up a state of confusion in the male mind. And eventually the confusing turns to anger. If she isn't going to take his advice, then why the hell does she keep talking about it? He's already offered her a solution!

Okay, so here we come to the part most of we women don't like. And that is, we have to understanding that for men communication really is all about status. Think back on all those nature shows you've seen over the years. It's not much different for the human animal.

The primary objective of any male is to be able to mate. And to do this they have to be strong enough to challenge and defeat other males for the prize. As males mature, they establish a natural "pecking order" for lack of a better term. When a male is strong enough to have most of other males in the group "beneath" him, then he's ready to take on the Alpha. If he wins, he gets his pick of the females.

You really think it's any different for humans?????

Think about it. If a man goes to another man with his problems, then in his mind, the other man views him as weaker. OMG!!! That is such a horrifying concept for the male of our species. When they have to seek help or aid, they are, in effect, losing status. It's an important thing for women to consider.

Jeeze Louise, a person could write tomes about this subject. Communication between the sexes is something that's been studied, discussed, pondered and puzzled over since ... well since people banded together in groups and created language.

I think Randy Travis kind of summed up the difference between men and women when he sang, "I'm gonna love you forever and ever. Forever and ever, amen. As long as old men sit and talk about the weather. As long as old women sit and talk about old men."

Need I say more?

This is Ciana for the Hussies, saying remember, you might not solve the communication issues between the sexes, but you can always get your point across if you let your inner hussy out to play because chances are she's mastered as least some of the basics of "man speak".

Happy Sunday!!


Deb said...

Ci, what a great subject. OMG so true.
DH is always willing to solve the problem, but not talk about it to death as he says.

Have a great Sunday!

Ciana Stone said...

Hey Deb! LOL - I like that phrase "talk it to death". Men, gotta love 'em :)

Happy Sunday!!!

Sahara Kelly said...

Well, this explains a lot!!!

It also makes me think that putting a woman in the White House might not be such a bad idea... LMAO

Anonymous said...

from a man's point of view, it would be nice if you ladies could do all the figuring out on how we can best communicate. We fella's have a hard time trying to figure out what ya'll want from us. Maybe you could preface your conversation with something like "honey, I'm not asking you to take care of anything for me, I just want to talk," or "darlin' would you handle this for me?" Sure would make it easier on us poor men.

And no, Ci, I'm not talking about you. Hell, you talk man as good as the next fella.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday all you lovelies .

Nicole Austin said...

Awww! Way to go, Chase. Good job. Now there's a man who knows how to speak woman! What a charmer. Tell us how to make getting you on the right track with us easier and then compliment the speaker's abilities, make her feel good. Smart man!

Ciana Stone said...

LMAO - Chase just knows I'd ruin his Super Bowl Sunday if he said anything that riled me. But hey, that does make him a smart man doesn't it?

Now if he could just tell me what the hell it means when he says "aww Ci, honey, you know how it is...." and never finishes the sentence.

Rachel.C said...

Gotta love the simplicity of man. No offense to any in the room of course, we wouldn't want to live without you all. Well, maybe some of you...
Anyway, I've got two girls and two boys and the different language thingy starts with the chromosome. Yep, they're born with it. They don't learn it, it comes naturally. If you think communication between the sexes as grown-ups is funny, watch the teenage ones for a while. They're having enough trouble working out themselves never mind the opposite sex. LOL
Think of all the make-up sex we'd miss out on if we spoke the same language. No, really, how could we secretly rule the world without men knowing if they spoke the same language? Best to leave them how they are.

N.J.Walters said...

LOL You pinned this one right on the button. *g*