Friday, February 29, 2008

I Suck

That’s right.

I suck at numbers (among other things, and at golf too). I can string words one after the other for hours and days, on paper, on the screen, on tissues if that’s all I have to write on. But you throw a number in there and BAM, neurons start blinking, I start sweating, I get dizzy. Unless, the number is accompanied by a currency sign, now *these* sorts of numbers, I like. Especially with lots of zeroes at the end.

So basically, numbers are my enemy number one. I can’t help it, I freeze up. You know when you’re going to the restaurant and you’re trying to divide 57.41 by six people? Yeah, to me, this is a nightmarish situation. I know some of you are figuring out the answer as you keep reading this post. Me, I’d need a calculator to see if I have enough eggs for a recipe. Numbers suck, man!

(cue violin)

It all started in high school, when they introduced algebra. “Adding letters and numbers TOGETHER?” I cried to my teacher, who replied “MWA HA HAAA! You’re dooomed!” Okay, she may have said something else, but that’s how I remember it. Honest! Even if I spent every Wednesdays doing math in the morning then spending lunch doing extra problems and taking home even more worksheets, I still passed by the seat of my pants and my teacher’s pity. So it’s not for a lack of trying. Can I blame my parents’ DNA? Yeah, I thought not.

Paint by numbers: can’t do it.
Statistics: hey, if you torture them enough, they’ll say anything. So can’t be trusted.
666 the number of the beast: me, I live at 668, so I guess I’m the “neighbor” of the beast?
K-9: took me years to figure out it meant “canine”!
Beverly Hills 90210: never watched it. Couldn’t even say the damn show’s name...
Hawaii 5-0: was it a game they lost five to zero?
Police jargon: when they start talking in codes, my brain goes dormant while I drool over the actors.
Tax time: can you say “vodka”?
Pi: I like mine with ice cream on top.
Another name for the devil: Pythagoras. Remember him? I hated him...and Descartes, too, old buzzards.

But sometimes, numbers can be fun. Just ask a friend...


Ashlyn Chase said...

OMG, Nat! I thought I was the only person like that--and it's worse now especially in this techie world where teenagers leave me in the dust. Sometimes I feel like I should move to a third world country.

My eyes glaze over and verbal or written technical information just bounces off my brain--just as numbers always have. I have to be taken by the hand and patiently shown how to do this stuff. Thank God for my dh (who also balances the checkbooks.)

Right now, I'm in danger of being leaving my authors' group because they started a blog using wordpress and I just figured out blogger!

Can you imagine? After all I've added by being my fun, interesting self, the young sh*ts are ready to kick my old-lady butt to the curb!

Somebody kill me. I'm becoming more and more obsolete by the day.

TK Winters said...

LMAO! I come in here to read Nic's post and what do I find? That was so great! LOL The clip, not your brain freeze over numbers.

Mine does, too, by the way, and I find myself doing bookkeeping.

I dropped algebra in high school after I asked the teacher why I needed to learn it. He said in case I ever wanted to add apples and oranges together. I replied I already knew how to do that--you used a blender.

Great post!

Nicole Austin said...

Algebra...oh, don't get me started. I had to learn it for x-ray school because they teach you icky things like radiation physics. Took me 3 tries to learn in and as soon as I was done, I totally dumped it. Yup, couldn't add numbers and letters today to save my life!

Both of my kids have come to me for homework help with icky math stuff and learned to call their friends instead!

Sally Painter said...

I don't love numbers, but I think my piano lessons and other music lessons helped make the math easier, or so I'm told. I always found it boring, though... ready to go play and have some real fun!

NathalieGray said...

Ashlyn! Babe! It's been too long :)

Dani said...

Don't worry Nat, I hate math too! I could barely get past algebra in high school and then I had to relearn the stuff to get part of my college education. Can we say "yuck?" I was groaning, "Kill me now cause I can't do this stuff." I actually got migraines for the first two weeks of the math class. You are definately not alone. LOL!

Loved the Friends clip. That was great!