Saturday, February 23, 2008

Shoes, Shoes, Glorious Shoes!

Do you know what a kothorni is? What about solleret? No? I’ll give you a clue; they’re in the same family as cracowe, chopine and Pompadour.

They’re all shoes. High heels, to be exact. The first mentioned date from BC and were worn by Greek male actors. The rest were shoes the European aristocracy wore throughout history. Marie Antoinette is said to have gone to the guillotine wearing heels. Because you know, you want to look tall if you’re about to lose a few inches up the top. Sorry, that wasn’t fair. I’m sure she was a nice lady...

Over the course of human history, we’ve bound our feet, gone bare, wore cork platforms, steel studs, thongs between the toes, gone for lace, satin, leather, latex and polymer. There isn’t much a shoe aficionado won’t do to get his or her footwear of choice. Pain? Irrelevant. Price? What’s that? It’s all about that feeling you get when you first see the goodness displayed in the shop window or on the computer screen (online shoe shopping, babes, is a booming business). You look at it and think to yourself “wouldn’t it be pretty on my feet? Look, it’s alllllll alone in its little box. I’ll just pop in for a quick look.”

Ten minutes later, you’re in the car, doing horrible things to your articulations as you try to contortion your legs so you can wear the shoes right away. Because you can’t wait until you’re at home. No. You MUST wear them right now. They’re still oh-so shiny and, well, kind of stiff, and maybe even a bit sharp around the edges, but you. Must. Wear. The. New. Shoes.

Wars have been fought over shoes. Oh, don’t believe me? You come over to my house on a day I’ve seen a most glorious pair of The Perfect Shoes, only to go into the store and realize they have sizes 6 to 8, then 11. No nines, no tens. Oh, it’s war, baby.

Cosmic misalignment? I think not. Bad luck? Ha! It’s a conspiracy. *looking both ways and under the desk* Somehow, somewhere, an Eeveel entity is trying to disrupt the way of things through footwear privations. Absolutely.

So next time you enter a shoe store and they don’t have your size (which happens to me more than say, them actually having my size), don’t take it lying down. Jump on the precious little seats they have to try the goodness on, wave your shopping bags around and yell that you won’t summit! That you won’t move until they find you some goddamn pair of size nines or tens, if the shoe is made narrow!

I’ll leave you with this funny shoe commercial, because you know what, I need shoes. I’m going shopping.


Deb said...

Nat, the commerical was to funny.
Oh boy this subject fits in well here.
I have a 5 year old that has a shoe thing. Ever since she could talk you ask her ,"what do you want to look at." Chloe would respond, "chose mama chose."
and from there it bloomed.
We went school clothes shopping and She needed a pair for every
I have a small she thing so maybe she got it from me.*g*

Ciana Stone said...

Oh my, Nat and her shoes!! This gave me quite a laugh.

I wish I could say I understood but sadly, for me shoes are just something you need to have to go run, or ride, or hike. Most of the time I'm barefoot and rarely ever give a thought to my feet - well unless I stumb my toe or step on an ant hill - then it becomes of prime importance.

But it just goes to show that we all have "switches" - those little buttons that can be visually pushed when we see something we desire. If not shoes, then it's bound to be something.

Hmmm, makes me wonder ... just what ARE my switches?

Happy Saturday!!

Sally Painter said...

Nat! You footsie tootsie! Love the commercial. hehehe.

Nicole Austin said...

Oh, boy. Heels, huh. I hate them! They were designed by some jerk who wanted to make my feet hurt and watch me faceplant because I can't walk in the damn things. My mom says the girly shopper genes skipped a generation.

Now sneakers...oh yeah. I have lots of sneakers in all different colors and styles to match all my different colored scrub uniforms. *G*

N.J.Walters said...

I'll admit that I really don't "get" shoes.

I have a couple pairs of sneakers, two pairs of boots (both about six years old, if not older) and a pair of black flats in case I have to go to a wedding or a funeral. LOL