Friday, April 06, 2007

Rowdy hussies and redneck bars

Ciana here, reporting in from morning two of "what the heck did I drink last night?"

My dear friend and cohort in mayhem and mischief, Lara Diamond, is in town, and boy-oh-boy have we been having fun. Yesterday morning (after a night with so yummy cowboy partying) I made her get up and go riding. Have you ever seen a blond turn green???? NOT a flattering color combination I can tell you. Needless to say the ride did NOT last long and soon we were back home, lying on the porch in the shade like two whipped puppies.

BUT we did recover and I took her to a place where the men are rowdy, the music is loud and there's no telling what might happen. Woo howdy, did she get into the swing of things. In fact, she got into it so much with this one cowboy that neither of us noticed the woman across the way getting redder in the face by the moment. Seems she had arrived with the cowboy.

Well wouldn't you know. That gal came up behind Lara, grabbed her by the hair and tried to snatch her bald. Now being the good Hussy friend that I am, I could NOT let that pass, so I jumped right in, grabbed hold of that gal and slung her halfway across the bar. Things would have worked out just fine if she had NOT gotten up. But she did, and she came after me.

I always knew those miles of running would come in handy. I led her on a merry chase around the bar for a few minutes, and figured I could wear her out because she was breathing pretty hard. Then HER friend stepped in. Can you say AMAZON??? Yikes! It got kinda ugly, she swung, I dodged and countered and the next thing I know those rowdy men decided to take part in the fun.

Someone yelled that they'd called the law but no one seemed to hear that but Lara. She took off like a Texas jackrabbit and the last I saw of her was her butt heading out the door.

Well, to make a long story short, I got to take a nice ride to the local jail. I explained the situation in perfect clarity (and will colorful adjectives and adverbs) and then had to wait while everyone else was questioned. That sure took a long time, and it sure smelled bad in that holding cell.

After long long long hours (really only three) they came and got me and there was Lara, grinning like she'd been eating briars with a fistful of money. Luckily she didn't have to spend it to bail me out because those wonderful law boys had figured out that we weren't to blame at all.

We left and went to breakfast with a couple of the guys and I asked her where she got the money. "Honey I had to go shake my peaches for this cash!" She replied with a haughty demeanor. I laughed my ass off because I knew exactly where she'd been. To the club down the road that has "amateur" night. Gracious what I'd have given to see Lara up there at that pole, shaking her booty and her peaches.

I have to say, that's love. A friend who would bare all to save you? We thought about blowing the load and inviting a crowd back to my place for a party, but Lara decided she'd had enough visiting and used her windfall to upgrade her ticket for a first class flight back home. And just so you'll know - we might be Hussies but we ain't no ho's - we came home alone :)

In fact, I need to wake her up now so we can get her to the airport on time.

Now, on another note, wanted to let everyone know that Sally and I - and some of our rowdy sista Hussies will be appearing on a chat with Night Owl Romance on April 16th. I'll get the address and post it next week. Hope you can join us. And maybe you'll meet Clay. Wooo honey! That is a fine man. I used Clay to model the hero of my upcoming books, Molding Clay. And trust me, that man gives new meaning to "ride the wild bull."

Here's a little preview of Clay:

Howdy Hussies!

Happy Friday to all you Hussies. Hope life is smiling on you :)



Julianne said...

Well hot Dayaum Ciana, sounds like you had one exciting play time. But remember the next time you go out to play, please invite your hussie sistas too. Its been a while since I went out to play on the playground LMAO.

Sally Painter said...

You are too funny, Ci!
Do I take this post as a challenge for a round of hussy misadventures?

I've always loved talltales and this one is a hussy whopper! ROFLMAO.

Stephanie said...

Oh my gosh!!! That was hilarious!!! That place sounds like the local cowboy club here--Cowboy Up---there's always some kind of crazy time going on there..Glad everyone made it home in one piece Ci!!!

Ciana Stone said...

Sally!! You got it sista - bring on those misadventures. Come on,now I know a Gypsy Hussy like you has got a tale or two to share:)

Julianne - honey, I would've taken you with me in a sec but you weren't answering your phone!! See what happens when you don't take a call from a sista? We'll rectify that :) Next time I call, pick up, pull on your boots and hit the door running!!

And Stephanie - okay, fess up, Cowboy Up? Ah ha! I remember a place by that name. Were you the gal dancing on the table doing shots of tequila??? Come on now, inguiring hussy minds want to know.

Time to mow more grass ... I need a smaller yard :)


Sally Painter said...

Ah... the time I got my lip caught in a zipper?

Sally Painter said...

Okay... I have to clarify... While I'm a bad hussy, I'm not quite that clumsy. LOL.

I was pulling my jacket over my head while riding in a large boat in late October and decided the only way to protect my hussy locks was to zip the jacket up over my head and create a kind of headgear.

Of course, being a hussy, I was talking while I did it and got my upper lip caught in the zipper.

After my friends and boyfriend recovered from a rolling on the deck fit of laughter, brilliant boyfriend decided it was best to do a FAST unzipping in order to end my medical emergency.

Fortunately I just ended up with a fat lip.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. I have eye witnesses if I need to call on them.

Cindy B said...

Sounds like a great time indeed! You should have had us along to cover your back. You know us hussies have to stick together! :0

Cindy B said...


That is one hot pic.