Monday, October 29, 2007

Come Fly With Me - if you must...

Some folks simply have to fly on Mondays. I do it myself from time to time. So here’s a few tips for not only surviving Mondays, but surviving the flying experience at the same time.

Do NOT fly before ten am if at all possible. Otherwise, you’ll be lost in a pile of empty Starbucks cups and probably wearing several dollops of cream cheese swiped over your body from those whole-wheat bagels. I like coffee as much as the next guy, but I don’t want to wear anybody’s breakfast. It’s not a good fashion statement for me.

Do NOT make eye contact while waiting at the gate. If you do, you stand a good chance of getting hit on by that tourist from someplace you’ve never heard of, wearing a shirt that should never have seen the light of day and with little or no conversation other than “Hi.” (Guaranteed to slide you out of your undies, right? Sigh.) You might also end up helping a little old lady fasten her stockings. (Okay, this happened to me in Heathrow, so maybe it’s a British thing, but why take the risk?) If you don’t look people in the eye, it makes it easier to push them out of the way and step on their children when your row is announced for boarding.

When finally seated, do NOT ask for liquids that are hot or spillable. Anything other than a bottle of water and turbulence is all but certain. The air gods are watching. They wait for that nice full cup of coffee then - splat. It’s their version of volleyball. Again, wearing food and/or beverages - well, it really doesn’t work, although it might score a tidy four points on Mount Olympus.

Try not to read what’s on the laptop next to you. It’s not polite airtravel etiquette and it’s probably boring as hell anyway, unless he’s writing an erotic romance. Let’s face it, the odds are against that happening. Stick with your own spicy novel and make sure he can’t read your pages. Especially if it’s that guy who hit on you earlier.

And finally - this has to be one of the funniest airline commercials EVER. It’ll keep me laughing through those endless gate changes and delays. Hope it’ll work for you too.


Julianne said...

That was a great video. I'm still laughing. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!

NathalieGray said...

Oh man! Funny!
Hey, I practically live at airports, and I wholeheartedly agree about the eye contact. Although I'd be the first to help a little old lady with anything. Yes, even with her stockings *shivers*

Nicole Austin said...

ROFL! I love the commercial. And you are so right about not making eye contact. Also, don't invite conversation with the person seated next to you. Get that book out right away and ignore them or they'll talk your ear off for the entire trip.

Sahara Kelly said...

I got lucky on my last flight, Nic...sat next to a really interesting guy and we chatted about an enormous range of things the whole trip! Doesn't happen too often, but when it does - well, the flight was over before I knew it!!! LOL

Sally Painter said...

Great airport post. I so relate. Thankfully, I'm not business traveling like I used to. The vid it too funny!

I was on a flight when several tornadoes suddenly formed over AL and GA, while the pilot was on final approach. I was sure we were going to crash. We were diverted after the third attempt at landing. (Like riding a bucking bronco) It was crazy! We ended up flying to an airport 200 miles away. I was stuck in the middle seat between two broad-shoulders - for 3 hours.

Very nice guys, who tried their best not to squash me (I was very slender back then. I sat forward most of the time so I'd have some breathing space. There could have been worse seat buddies for sure. (eg)