Thursday, October 18, 2007

Gettin' Naughty - Sexual Confidence

Following along with the theme Sahara and Mary have going, I decided to discuss sexual self-confidence this week. It’s during intimate moments when women feel the most vulnerable and unsure of themselves. Unfortunately, a lack of sexual self-confidence greatly affects achieving sexual satisfaction.

When a relationship reaches the point of becoming sexually intimate is not the time to start worrying about your body hang ups and desirability. If he wasn’t attracted to you and there was no chemistry, you wouldn’t have made it this far so forget about rejection or failure. Now you have to relax about your body and have fun. And let me tell you ladies, women who are secure in their prowess have one heck of a lot of fun!

When you have sexual self-confidence it’s easier to relax and fully enjoy the experience. Both your body and mind are active participants instead of letting your thoughts be distracted by perceived faults. Allowing your mind focus on pleasure is guaranteed to bring more of it your way, and most of us would love to have more pleasure in our sex lives.

By now you are probably wondering how long and what effort is required to shed those sexual insecurities. There is no magic spell to grant you sexual confidence, but the good news is its something you can give yourself. No waiting, you can have it right now since it’s a matter of changing how you think.

According to Dr. Phil in an article written for O Magazine, sexual confidence is not about having a great body. In fact, he says that older women are more sexually confident due to the benefit of experience. I really liked what Dr. Phil has to say about pleasure. “It's not selfish in a sexual situation to please yourself. Think about it—what greater gift could you give your partner than to have a really good time? If you're having fun, your partner is going to have fun. And that's not a license for selfishness; it's a recognition that you can't give away what you don't have yourself.”

Here’s an important thing to remember. Your sexual confidence cannot be given to you by a lover. The distraction of focusing too much on your lover can erode your confidence. Don’t let other people define your sense of self. Get to know your body and what trips your trigger. This will lead to more pleasure and confidence.

Sexual confidence is more about power generated by liking and accepting yourself than it is about sex. Here’s another great tip from Dr. Phil. “A woman who is open-minded, wants to have fun, and isn't counting on getting an engagement ring within minutes of meeting a man has an ease about her that translates as power. By contrast, one who looks like she's on the prowl for Mr. Right and is deafened by the ticking of her biological clock sends a totally different message. And as any guy will tell you, that message is: Run! But if you're comfortable and genuinely happy, others sense it and want it. Women who like where they are in their lives exude an assurance that makes for some very positive vibes in the bedroom.”

How do you get some of this elusive power for yourself? First, take a long, hard look at how you see yourself. Are you comfortable with your body? Feel good about yourself and your life? This is another instance where that self-defeating internal dialogue has to be altered. Changing your focus to positive and empowering thoughts will increase your self-assurance. Figure out how to accept yourself. Then take a look at your nonverbal language. What is your body saying about you? How do you walk into a room? Is your head held high and your posture good? Do you make eye contact? All of these factors affect vibes you’re putting out.

Experiment—get familiar and comfortable with your body and learn to shed those inhibitions. Buy some sexy lingerie that makes you feel good. You have to identify what you like and dislike, then express it. You have to be able to tell him what you need to feel good. Also, figure out what gets you in the mood. I recommend reading a hot and steamy book then just let go. You can’t be uptight and sexy at the same time—the two don’t go together.

Discover the sexual power of being a woman and enjoy it. Nothing will get him heated up more than your sexual confidence.

Check out this video, How to Get Sexual Confidence. Both the women say “like” way too much, but still manage to offer some good advice.


NathalieGray said...

I remember back in high school during sexuality classes that a bunch of guys had started giggling when the social worker had passed condoms around so we'd slip them on our assigned bananas. Man, had she ever taken a strip off them! :) I think I got my "sexual confidence" from that woman, who took that condom in her hand, showed it to everyone and said "You better get used to these things or you'll have a very sad life."

Nicole Austin said...

Sounds like that social worker had confidence to the max. :D

Ciana Stone said...

Great info Nic! And all so very true. Being confident about yourself and comfortable with your sexuality is by far one of the biggest turn-ons in the bedroom. Nothing gets a man's motor running like a woman who is really into what's happening.

And LOL, why worry about body image and hang ups during an intimate moment? Heck, if there was no spark in his lighter for you, you wouldn't be having a moment, so why not flick that bic and let the fire out?

Thanks Nic! Great advice.

Anonymous said...

Great subject Nic! And I couldn't agree more! I think having that sexual self-confidence is the hugest turn on for a man or a woman, regardless of the way you look. There are heavy men and women who exude sexual self-confidence and in turn this is what attracts people to them. Sexuality is such a personal thing in that each of us perceives it in different ways and allows it to come through differently depending on the place and situation. I mean really, think of all the ways that you can give off the air of sexual confidence. Some people just “have” it without even realizing they have it, and it can baffle them to realize that people are just drawn to them, others have it – know it – and are loving every moment of it, and then there are others who are more subtle and demure about it. No matter which way it comes through, sexual self-confidence is one of the things that can keep a relationship on its toes and keep it spicy if you let it. :)


N.J.Walters said...

Great post, Nic, and so very true. Confidence is the best way to enjoy yourself and your partner.

TK Winters said...

Great article, sis! I've struggled with self-confidence for most of my life, which translated in to a lack of sexual self-confidence. I liked to blame it on body image, but truthfully, body image was simply a way to avoid being intimate--with MYSELF! lol I once had a partner say to me, 'I won't sleep with you until you can sleep with yourself." That made so much sense to me, I started learning to "sleep" with myself.

Sally Painter said...

Oh Yah! It all sounds good. I think self-confidence in a man is far sexier than anything physica and certainly is true for us to embody! Great topic, Nicole!

I liked the vid too!

Nicole Austin said...

Thanks, everyone for the comments. I'm glad you enjoyed the article.

I have a friend who is an extra plus size woman, but she is so comfortable with herself and confident, and boy does it show. Men flock around her when she walks into a room. You can feel the energy and confidence and it certainly draws them in!