Thursday, January 17, 2008

Gettin' Naughty -- Man's Other Best Friend

How much do you know about man's other best friend, the penis? I can hear the moaning, "She did not just ask that." Don't y'all know me better than that yet? Sheesh! Never can tell what socially unacceptable topic I'll bring up next. It's my goal to keep you guessing. How am I doing so far? *g*

There are many names and slang terms to describe a penis. Some of the most common include: cock, bone, boner, dick, hard-on, Johnson, lance, manhood, meet, member, Mr. Happy, one-eyed snake, organ, pecker, phallus, pocket rocket, pole, prick, rod, shaft, tool, wood. The list goes on and on.

From the Online Etymology Dictionary:
The word penis originates from 1676, perhaps from Fr. pénis or directly from L. penis "penis," earlier "tail", from PIE *pes-/*pesos- "penis". The proper plural is penes. The adj. is penial. In psychological writing, penis envy is attested from 1924.

According to
~ Average length of the flaccid penis - 3.5 inches
~ Average length when erect - 5.2 to 6.4 inches (Yes, erotic romance heroes are above average)
~ Average girth when erect - 5 inch circumfrence or 1.6 inches in diameter
~ Longest recorded penis - 13 inches (Ouch!)
~ Smallest recorded penis - 5/8 of an inch (Sorry, dude!)
~ Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime - 7,200
~ Average speed of ejaculate - 28 mph
~ Average calories per teaspoon in semen - 5 to 7
~ Average amount of semen per ejaculation - 1 to 2 teaspoons
~ Semen is slightly alkaline, Ph 7.2
~ Amount of recovery time to regain erection ranges from 2 minutes to 2 weeks
~ Average number of erections per day - 11
~ Average number of erections per night - 9
~ Odors that increase blood flow to the peins include: lavender, licorice, chocolate, donuts and pumpkin pie
~ Men who admit to masturbating - 60% *arching eyebrow* Doesn't that number seem low?

What exactly is in semen? Only about 1% is sperm, the rest is made up of:
Fructose sugar
Ascorbic acid (Vitamin C)
Citric acid
Phosphate and bicarbonate buffers

~ It takes 116 muscles to climax. In comparison it only takes 17 to smile
~ In women, sex produces estrogen, which makes hair shine and keeps skin smooth

According to Glamour magazine:
~ There is no link between his shoe size and the length of his penis
~Yes, it shrinks when it gets cold
~ If his ring finger is longer than his middle finger, he may produce more testosterone and therefore have a great sexual appetite

Size does him. Whether he admits it or not, his penis is one of the most important things in his world. He discovered and became fascinated with this organ and began comparing it to others early in life. He's very sensitive on the subject so use care with your words and never joke about his size. Doesn't seem to matter to him that the average length of a vagina is only 3 to 4 inches, stretching to accomidate those above average specimins. Measuring up is important to him.

Here's a fact that will help you, ladies. Having an orgasm relieves menstral cramps. It's true. The vigorous muscle contractions move blood and other fluids away from congested organs. Orgasms also release endorphins which relieve pain so claiming a headache is a poor excuse for getting out of having sex. Quite the opposite, having PMS or a headache is a great reason to indulge.


Mandi said...

You know, I was actually reading on another blog this morning about a guy who had 13.5 inches (there was even a pic *wg*). I think it was Perez Hilton's blog. He was complaining about people using him for his huge wang. I just kept thinking, finally a man knows what a big-breasted woman goes through.

Amanda Young

Nicole Austin said...

LOL! You've got that right, Mandi!

Anonymous said...

OMG!! 5-7 calories per teaspoon??? Holy shnikeys there goes my diet! What the hell am I supposed to do now? Guess I'll have to work out longer *sigh* The things I do for love...



N.J.Walters said...

LOL 5-7 calories per teaspoon...I wonder how many points that is if you're on weight watcher's diet. *g* But hey, it has protein. LOL

Nicole Austin said...

ROFL! I don't think that 5-7 calories is much to worry about Christine & NJ, although fructose sugar is the first ingredient. I wonder how many carbs are in that teaspoon.

Julianne said...

Alrighty then, all that unknown stuff in semen will make me think the next time I swallow! LOL!
I'm glad it's good for the complexion. And as far as orgasms being good for cramps, I couldn't even get him to sit on the same piece of furniture during that time of the month let alone try to do something sexual.