Thursday, January 10, 2008

Gettin' Naughty - What Men Want

Last week I talked about what women want and it sparked some interesting responses. Now I’m doing it again but turning the tables. What do men want in a woman? Big bleached blonde hair? Swim suit cover model thin bodies? Listen close, ladies. You just may learn something because their list is both similar and much different than ours. While we seek love and affection, they want sex and respect.

I am not numbering these because they are compiled from a variety of sources and no two sources agreed what things were most important. These fourteen things made almost every list.

Love – When you peel away all the cr… uh, I mean stuff, who doesn’t want to be loved. Everyone wants and needs to feel loved. It’s the most basic and important of human emotions, and its very important to men that they feel loved.

Sex – Yes, men want plenty of sex and think about it more often than not. Sex is a big part of a healthy relationship, and chemistry is very important. This is the number one way to show you love him. Many men equate sex with love and when you withhold sex you’re essentially saying you no longer love him. He needs that validation. Shows of affection are more for you than him. He needs the physical act to know you care.

R E S P E C T – Like women, men want to be treated with respect and know they are appreciated and valued by their partner. They don’t want to be let down, embarrassed or made to feel a fool, especially in public. Men are excessively proud and sensitive to criticism.

Beauty – A pretty face, when coupled with charm, can get away with murder. No, they don’t want Barbie and beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. Men are visual and may go by the outer appearance first, but before long they are going to be taking a long hard look at the type of person you are because looks wear thin after a while. Still, he wants to be proud to have you on his arm when walking down the street so take care of your body and stay in the shape he adores, which may be cushy or firm depending on his tasts. Again, it’s all in the eye of the beholder.

Honest Communication – Yes, men want honesty. And they want you to be honest in asking for what you want and need. They also want you to communicate without being too critical so be straightforward and truthful.

Trust – This goes right along with honesty. When the games are played out and the booty calls over, men want someone they can confide in. Lets face it, the most successful relationships are built on trust, candor and honesty.

Confident & Self-sufficient – I’ve said this before, self-confidence is sexy. While men require being wanted and needed by their partners, they want their partner to have a separate identity. They want you to have your own friends and interests. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule.

Ambition - This goes along with confidence and draws in independence. You expect him to have drive and ambition, goals and dreams, right?! Well, he wants to see the same in you. Don’t be satisfied to let him win the world single-handedly, get out there and grab a piece of it for yourself.

Strength – Not physical brawn, but the emotional courage and strength to grow and develop on a personal level. Laugh at yourself. Learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

Fidelity – He doesn’t want your eyes roving any more than you want his to. Enough said.

Stroking – We’re not talking sex here, I’m talking about his ego. Praise what he does right. Treating him right means helping him to not feel inadequate. As much as you like to hear he appreciates your efforts to look good for him, he wants to hear it too. Verbal affirmations are typically reserved for women and often neglected when it comes to men. They need to hear it, see it demonstrated in your actions, and feel it.

Intelligence – We’re not just talking book smarts here, but also street smarts. He’s looking for more than a housewife and mother for the kids. He wants someone who can handle herself and who he doesn’t have to fear stepping away from. Ah, again we’re back to confidence, strength, independence—seeing how everything is tying together here?

Sense of Humor – Yup, they want this just like we do. They want you to be able to relax and laugh at that Three Stooges episode or got to see a movie you consider male humor with him. He works hard, puts up with a lot, and appreciates a woman who can put a smile on his face and make him laugh.

Real – Men don’t want fake or plastic. Not in how you act or look. They want the real you. Be yourself, not what you think he wants. Most men aren’t attracted to plastic, made-up women. They want a natural, wholesome looking woman without the pulled, unnatural looking face most plastic surgery procedures produce, breast implants or Botox that paralyzes smiles and expressions.

Just like last week, these are only some of the top things men want that I found in research. These are not my personal opinions. There are of course many more qualities that make up the complete package, and yes, men also want it all just like we do.


Anonymous said...

So I was reading your to list of what men and women want from each other and in my opinion I feel that the was list was more simply then the man's list.

Call me crazy but it just seemed the man's list was more....Oh I don't know, for lack of a better word, complicated.

Not that the man's list isn't doable or even warranted. It just seemed........more. I really don't think I expressing myself correctly. Damn in my head I know what I want to say but I just can't get it down on paper properly.


Nicole Austin said...

I think I know what you're trying to say, Candy. The mens list is more thorough. The concepts are not more complicated but I went into lengthier explanations. When I was making up the list, I noticed this and believe its because their wants aren't as familiar to me, I don't understand them as well, even though I think they are simpler in general than ours.

IMO, mens wants are more basic. Although when you come right down to it we all have the same driving psychiological needs that have to be met to feel safe, secure, happy and complete. Food, shelter, clothing, love, a sense of purpose and so on. I think the big difference is how important each is to us, along with the ways we express and feel those things.

For example, women want little signs of affection and nurturing--hand holding, tenderness, attentiveness. That makes us feel good. Men want to feel they have your love, respect and devotion but don't want want those little displays which may make them uncomfortable.

It's hard to explain and perhaps I didn't retain all that much from psychology class. I could also be talking out of my rear since I'm by no means an authority on the differences between the sexes. LOL!

Thanks for you though provoking comments, Candy!

Anonymous said...

I love what you had to say Nic and no you're not talking out of your ass. LOL
you are actually making alot of sense.

women need the little displays and men need the respect.


N.J.Walters said...

Men are very basic creatures when it comes right down to it. They want what we want, but they do have some differences. That's what keeps life interesting.

Fascinating, as always, Nic.

Anonymous said...

I think most of those things you mentioned that men want, come only with time together. I don't think those things are typical for new relationships, and that doesn't mean that the man/woman isn't being him/herself.

Real life relationships don’t typically happen like a romance novel no matter how much we might wish for it. We might have some major chemistry with a person but until we’ve had time in the relationship, and experiences, I mean arguing, disagreeing, a happy occasion a sad occasion, whatever… these are the things that help us to grow together in a relationship and these are the things that if you can weather them then it only grows stronger and stronger each passing day. This is where respect comes from, and confidence, independence, etc.

I think women tend to be more complicated than men... or is it that we make things more complicated because it's basically our genetic makeup?

The key is to find a happy medium, a compromise between those things that we each want because lets face it, we are who we are and if we try and change who we are for someone (unless the changes truly need to be made to make you a better person with or without them) else then we’re trying to be what we aren’t.

I think the sex that men want is really the easy part in all of this. Now I’m not saying this is ALL women and/or men… and from the women/men I personally know I think women tend to take upon themselves more daily stresses, okay in some cases the stresses are thrust upon her. Men are more adept at just sloughing it all off in most cases, which just amazes me… it’s like water off a ducks back and I sit back and shake my head in wonder in how they do it. I’ve honestly never met a man in real life that couldn’t do this and it does truly amaze me.

I think women want sex more than they are given credit for, perhaps just as much as men do, however the stress being so different and forefront in our lives inhibits some from seeking it out or wanting to give it. I think most couples like it, most do it. And that too changes and grows, and matures. Hell 15 years ago I wouldn’t have ever thought I’d love to be spanked, but look at me now! LOL

One thing to mention about all this…people tend to love the feeling of a new relationship, you know ‘the grass is greener on the other side’ mentality. That feeling of heart pounding euphoria we tend to get from a new relationship. People in old, comfortable, stable relationships sometimes forget to give that compliment that was on the tip of our tongue a minute ago, or intended to give a hug and got sidetracked by kids or the phone…whatever, we forget to reassure our significant other how much we love them by the things we do, not just when we say it. The words without actions, in some cases, are empty.

So not only tell your man “I Love You”, but show him… by respecting him and his decisions, by admiring him and yes adoring him – I bet he really won’t mind those public displays of affection when they are because you truly can’t keep your eyes and hands off him, as opposed to showing everyone who ‘owns’ him and marking your territory. And of course there’s the sex… he might want it and want it often but I bet he doesn’t just want obligatory sex, he wants full participation from you too. 


Nicole Austin said...

Thanks for your comments, Christine. I wasn't really referring to any particular phase in a relationship. In fact, this could be the wish list for someone not yet in a relationship. I agree that being with someone over time is when you truly learn who they are and how you sync together.

On to the subject of sex. I also agree that many women want sex more than we are given credit for, but here's the difference. Many women would be satisfied with tender cuddling time where as men wouldn't they want the physical release. There are always exceptions, however.

TK Winters said...

John says this was a very good blog and I notice he didn't disagree at all.

I also think this was a great blog! It didn't ding on men and it let women know they need to be the real people they are. I tend to believe that men who want the big breasted blonde bomb shell are immature, regardless of their actual age. I think about that and then wonder why women would want to make a long-term relationship with an immature man.

And as John just said--it goes both ways. The image we get from TV, our young experiences, magazine articles, etc., are more about lust and short-term relationships than love and long-term relationships.

Nicole Austin said...

Thanks, sis! Its good to hear John's perspective. I agree on being programmed by what we see and hear.

Sally Painter said...

Excellent discussion, Nic! As usual!

Ciana Stone said...

Color me running late to the party, but hey, better late than never, right? Nic, this is most excellent and I think it's on target.

Sometimes I think both sexes are a bit guilty of stereotyping the other. Many times I've heard women make comments to the effect that men are simple. Well, that's not true. Yes, they operate on a different set of gears in some respects, but simple? I don't think so.

And one thing no one ever points out is that strip away gender and we're all just human, and as such share a lot of common desires and needs.

I think it all really boils down to paying attention to what your partner wants and learning to give as much as you take. Part of the Ci KISS plan (hey,what can I say, the keep it simpls stupid plan works for me!)

Thanks Nic. As always you've provided excellent food for thought~

Nicole Austin said...

Yes, I agree, Ci. Humans are complex creatures, no matter what sex. KISS is a great plan!