Thursday, April 03, 2008

Gettin' Naughty - Top, Bottom...Switch?

This week’s topic is Who’s On Top, and once again I’m turning to my friends in the world of D/s for answers which apply to all relationships.

The three primary roles in BDSM play are the Dominant (Top), submissive (Bottom) and Switch (Someone who can switch between the two roles). Even if you are not into D/s most relationships have a partner who takes the more dominant role, whether just in the bedroom or in all interactions. In situations with two alpha personalities, there’s going to be a lot of skirmishes to see who’s on top in which situations.

The Top typically distinguishes the dominant partner, but the term can also be used during sex for the one who physically penetrates or the one who is literally on top. The Bottom is typically the submissive partner, but can also be the one who is physically penetrated or is literally on the bottom. In BDSM the bottom does not have to be on the receiving end of the penetration as in the case of a FemDom with a male submissive.

A Switch is someone who, dependent on their mood or needs, can be either Dominant or submissive. Some switches may do so because of different ways of relating to partners, and be a top to one while a bottom to another. Others will switch back and forth within the same relationship. Switches are more common than you might think.

Another BDSM term is “topping from the bottom”, when the submissive tries to control or manipulate their dominant partner. I also learned that sometimes in a D/s relationship, or while learning about BDSM, a participant will switch roles to learn what it’s like for their partner. The internet is such a wealth of interesting information.

Some Switches are also bi-sexual. In fact, I ran into quite a few while writing Trip My Switch, which releases this month from Ellora’s Cave. The hero is a bi-sexual man trying to figure out where he fits in the world of BDSM.

I have no clue where this story came from. It hit me out of the blue and while writing, I felt as if I channeled the hero’s spirit! I went into the writer zone and just followed his lead, getting what he told me onto paper before he stopped talking. It was an educational, exhilarating and scary experience, and I couldn’t be more thrilled with the results.

Since the book releases on the first day of the Romantic Times Conference and I won’t be around, I’m going to run a little contest now. Everyone who comments on this post before midnight est. today, April 3rd, will be entered into a drawing for an ARC of the book. I don’t know when I’ll receive the formatted copies, so I might have to send you the Word document until I get them.

To read the book blurb and an excerpt, click here, then scroll down to the bottom.

Like people, relationships are complex, dynamic, and change as we grow. Don’t allow yourself to get locked into one role without ever adapting. Try shaking things up a bit to see what happens and to avoid getting into a rut. You just may find that you both enjoy the variety of switching things up once in a while.

So naughty it’s scandalous!


NathalieGray said...

I wish I'd *get* the whole pile of substrata in sexual tastes and preferences. Domination, submission... Alas, I get none of it. To me, it's too mind-gamish.

That said, what an interesting post! As always, Nic.

Maura Anderson said...

Hmm - I'm not sure I'd agree that "topping from the bottom" is a switch trait or has much to do with being a switch in general.

But that's a LONG discussion :)

I'm looking forward to reading the book, true switches are not often book fodder....

Nicole Austin said...

Hmm...I didn't word that very well, Maura. I went back and edited. Topping from the bottom was just some general information about D/s and I didn't mean to make is sound as being a trait of Switches.

Ciana Stone said...

verrrrrrrrrry interesting. I admit that I'm with Nat. Dom-sub-switch, it's all mind-boggling to me. Color me a simple gal, eh? But thanks to you Nic, I'm getting an education. Thanks! I'm copying and pasting this into my research folder :)

And good luck to everyone in the contest. This book is going to be H O T !!!!!!!!!!

Dena Celeste said...

Yeah, topping from the bottom is generally seen as an undesirable trait in a sub. But aside from that, great article.

*grins* I'm a sub, and belong to a wonderful Master, so whenever I see a post about kink I get all excited.

LOL, I couldn't dominate my way out of a paper bag, and the one time I tried it (with another woman) it just...didn't work. It didn't come naturally to me at all.

I enjoyed this. It's a really good article. Great job Nicole! I look forward to reading Trip My Switch when I get some moolah in a couple months.


TK Winters said...

Very interesting topic, sis. Me, I'm just plain ole me and not into much except having fun. It would be interesting to find out, in the plain vanilla world, if partners switch, or remain more dominant or more submissive ... my experience has been I'm just whatever I am when I'm being it, and so it my partner. lol

Deb said...

Nic, This is all interesting. With all Bob and I have tried this is something we have not.
Reading this and other articles helps me with the reviewing part of book of the BDSM nature.

Thank Nic as always, truly enjoyed it.

Cathy said...

Congrats Nic on this upcoming release. The EC Exotika line has some amazingly hot stories, and loved the excerpt for this one.

Anonymous said...

I think I'd be a switch. My hubby too. I tend to be more aggressive than he is, but I love when he just does what he wants to do. I guess I'd say it's more like Teri though... We do whatever and are whoever it is we want to be at the time we're doing it. There's no plan involved. However, my preference would be to be dominated a bit, to have the control taken away mostly, but neither hubby or I are truly dominant, which is why I guess we'd both be switches if we were involved in that spectrum, lol.

Great topic!


Janet H said...

super interesting blog post...and a burning hot excerpt. Congrats on the new release.

Nicole Austin said...

Thanks y'all. I'm glad you enjoyed the topic and the excerpt.

I can't see myself ever getting into a D/s type of relationship, but I find the subject facinating. In theory, it sounds fabulous to not have to think about anything and just accept the pleasure given by a lover. In reality, no way could I submit to someone. I'd probably laugh hysterically if someone tried to dominate me.

I agree with Teri, I'm not one or the other, but I can be a bit dominant or a bit submissive dependent on my mood at the time.

Sally Painter said...

Congrats on the release. I would never do well in a BDSM situation, but appreciate learning. Great post.

Anonymous said...



N.J.Walters said...

It's a fascinating subject, Nic, one that I don't even begin to understand. I think it's a very complex relationship between two, or more, people who really need to trust one another.

I can't wait to read Trip My Switch.