Gettin' Naughty - Top, Bottom...Switch?

This week’s topic is Who’s On Top, and once again I’m turning to my friends in the world of D/s for answers which apply to all relationships.

The three primary roles in BDSM play are the Dominant (Top), submissive (Bottom) and Switch (Someone who can switch between the two roles). Even if you are not into D/s most relationships have a partner who takes the more dominant role, whether just in the bedroom or in all interactions. In situations with two alpha personalities, there’s going to be a lot of skirmishes to see who’s on top in which situations.

The Top typically distinguishes the dominant partner, but the term can also be used during sex for the one who physically penetrates or the one who is literally on top. The Bottom is typically the submissive partner, but can also be the one who is physically penetrated or is literally on the bottom. In BDSM the bottom does not have to be on the receiving end of the penetration as in the case of a FemDom with a male submissive.

A Switch is someone who, dependent on their mood or needs, can be either Dominant or submissive. Some switches may do so because of different ways of relating to partners, and be a top to one while a bottom to another. Others will switch back and forth within the same relationship. Switches are more common than you might think.

Another BDSM term is “topping from the bottom”, when the submissive tries to control or manipulate their dominant partner. I also learned that sometimes in a D/s relationship, or while learning about BDSM, a participant will switch roles to learn what it’s like for their partner. The internet is such a wealth of interesting information.

Some Switches are also bi-sexual. In fact, I ran into quite a few while writing Trip My Switch, which releases this month from Ellora’s Cave. The hero is a bi-sexual man trying to figure out where he fits in the world of BDSM.

I have no clue where this story came from. It hit me out of the blue and while writing, I felt as if I channeled the hero’s spirit! I went into the writer zone and just followed his lead, getting what he told me onto paper before he stopped talking. It was an educational, exhilarating and scary experience, and I couldn’t be more thrilled with the results.

Since the book releases on the first day of the Romantic Times Conference and I won’t be around, I’m going to run a little contest now. Everyone who comments on this post before midnight est. today, April 3rd, will be entered into a drawing for an ARC of the book. I don’t know when I’ll receive the formatted copies, so I might have to send you the Word document until I get them.

To read the book blurb and an excerpt, click here, then scroll down to the bottom.

Like people, relationships are complex, dynamic, and change as we grow. Don’t allow yourself to get locked into one role without ever adapting. Try shaking things up a bit to see what happens and to avoid getting into a rut. You just may find that you both enjoy the variety of switching things up once in a while.

Nic
So naughty it’s scandalous!