Friday, April 04, 2008

Who’s on Top?

That’s the question the Hussies asked this week. But you *know* I’m going to twist that question into something unrecognizable just so I can talk about my silver gogo boots.

Yeah, baby. My Silver. Gogo. Boots.

As in, the footwear par excellence for Empresses of the Galaxy like me. IF there were more than one. Since there isn’t (you go get your OWN galaxy, dammit, this one’s mine!), we’ll talk about my most fabulous Boots of Dooooooom. You have to have a set of stuff “of doom” to be an empress. You can’t rule the world without, say, the stapler of doom, the cell phone of doom, the toothpick of doom. Tell you what, in the spirit of sharing the love, let me make you a list of everything you need to rule your own galaxy (’cause remember, this one’s mine). You’ll need:

1. silver gogo boots (of course)

2. a scepter/whip/cattle prod (for the recalcitrant male slaves...mwaar!)

3. a throne, the bigger the better

4. a big honkin’ scifi gun with dials and knobs and lights that blink a lot...makes for a great conversation starter with visiting dignitaries or when you want to compare sizes (mine’s bigger than yours, etc)

5. some kickass one-piece latex suit to create a diversion against the villain...once he’s busy looking at your wonderfully eeveel décolleté, you whip your Scepter of Doom (see item 2) and you whack him in the head. Then if he’s yummy, you keep him chained to item number 3.

6. a sidekick, not too cute, not too bright...we wouldn’t to make the empress look bad, now would we? Of course not.

7. a big, bright red button that says “Auto Destruct” on top so you can do your monologue, finish with a good long Machiavellian laugh then blow up your station/spaceship/flying hot tub!!!

8. and lastly, an escape pod, preferably silver and round, to counteract number 7.

There. We’re all set. Follow these basic steps and I guarantee you total galactic domination is yours within six months or your money back.

So to the question “who’s on top?” I answer: me.

This is Nat from the Hussies, having way too much fun hijacking this blog. Have a great weekend. And remember, an eeveel intergalactic empress must have all these items. Take a look at the following video and witness what can happen when you skip details.


Sahara Kelly said...

Please can I come and live in your universe? No way could I create one as perfect! LOL Boots!!! Yeah, baby!!!! You're definitely on top!

You also made me smile - that's one of my all-time fave movies! In my house we love rushing around at "ludicrous" speed! LMAO Mel Brooks is a certified genius. May the Schwartz be with you today, too!

Ciana Stone said...

Okay, making my list of must have's to rule a galaxy. But can I substitute thigh high, oh-shiny-black patent boots for the silver ones????

Thanks for the chuckle Nat!

NathalieGray said...

I aim to please. :)

And yes, absolutely, black can indeed replace silver, as long as they're high and shiny, you know.

Ludicrous speed! Oh my goodness, what a blast that movie is! And every time there's static in the TV, we always say "Hey, we got jam" then we all chuckle and expect to see the red stuff ooze down the screen.

May the Schwartz be with you, too! Or the yogourt. True story: in the French translation, they say ""May the yogourt be with you" instead of Schwartz. Still funny!

N.J.Walters said...

I bow to the Empress of the Galaxy. *g* I could never wear those boots. I'd break my neck. LOL

Sally Painter said...

OK, I was with you until the silver bullet escape bod and all I could think of was those silver bullets Nic writes about from her toy chest. Kaboom, Empress!

Nicole Austin said... favorite books are thigh high snakeskin. Yeah baby! Now I just have to figure out what they go with. LOL!

OMG Sally! Those are so totally different, although both can send you flying. :D