Who’s on Top?

That’s the question the Hussies asked this week. But you *know* I’m going to twist that question into something unrecognizable just so I can talk about my silver gogo boots.

Yeah, baby. My Silver. Gogo. Boots.

As in, the footwear par excellence for Empresses of the Galaxy like me. IF there were more than one. Since there isn’t (you go get your OWN galaxy, dammit, this one’s mine!), we’ll talk about my most fabulous Boots of Dooooooom. You have to have a set of stuff “of doom” to be an empress. You can’t rule the world without, say, the stapler of doom, the cell phone of doom, the toothpick of doom. Tell you what, in the spirit of sharing the love, let me make you a list of everything you need to rule your own galaxy (’cause remember, this one’s mine). You’ll need:

1. silver gogo boots (of course)

2. a scepter/whip/cattle prod (for the recalcitrant male slaves...mwaar!)

3. a throne, the bigger the better

4. a big honkin’ scifi gun with dials and knobs and lights that blink a lot...makes for a great conversation starter with visiting dignitaries or when you want to compare sizes (mine’s bigger than yours, etc)

5. some kickass one-piece latex suit to create a diversion against the villain...once he’s busy looking at your wonderfully eeveel décolleté, you whip your Scepter of Doom (see item 2) and you whack him in the head. Then if he’s yummy, you keep him chained to item number 3.

6. a sidekick, not too cute, not too bright...we wouldn’t to make the empress look bad, now would we? Of course not.

7. a big, bright red button that says “Auto Destruct” on top so you can do your monologue, finish with a good long Machiavellian laugh then blow up your station/spaceship/flying hot tub!!!

8. and lastly, an escape pod, preferably silver and round, to counteract number 7.

There. We’re all set. Follow these basic steps and I guarantee you total galactic domination is yours within six months or your money back.

So to the question “who’s on top?” I answer: me.

This is Nat from the Hussies, having way too much fun hijacking this blog. Have a great weekend. And remember, an eeveel intergalactic empress must have all these items. Take a look at the following video and witness what can happen when you skip details.